The Gospel According to St. Titleist
1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. -Grantland Rice2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. --John Updike
3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. --Robert Lynd
4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. --Horace G. Hutchinson
5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. --Gardner Dickinson
6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. --Sam Snead
7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. --William Wordsworth
8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. --Dean Martin
9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. --Tommy Bolt
10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. --Bishop Sheen
11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. --Arnold Palmer
12. My handicap? Woods and irons. --Chris Codiroli
13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. --Pete Dye
14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! --Buddy Hackett
15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. --Billy Graham
16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. --Jack Lemmon
17. It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --Mark Twain
18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. --Harry Vardon
19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. --Jimmy DeMaret
20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. --Ben Hogan
21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- All Us Hackers
22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. --George Deukmejian
23. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think that's music coming out of a bagpipe. --Lee Trevino
